I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize