with your own penis?
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize