It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
