apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
and she was petting her beer can
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
