Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize