I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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