Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
