GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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