Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
