i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
