Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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