She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
