hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
