guys are not supposed to queef...right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Two words: nipple clamps
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