he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
