ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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