he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
