he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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