I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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