what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
