So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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