Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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