I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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