I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Farmville is her only friend.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
