Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
