im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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