Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize