I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
