Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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