Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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