I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would fuck him just for his dog
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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