I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Randomize
