I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize