he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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