Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
