You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
