his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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