Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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