Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
