Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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