Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
