ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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