Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
