considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
