Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
