do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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