I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
