omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
