What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize