I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
