Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
