i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
