You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
