Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
