Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
