if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
