Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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