Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
