Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize