tell your sister to shave her snatch
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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