addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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