you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
