Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
