when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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