I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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