I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
