I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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