i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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