So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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