i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
we're so committed to being not committed
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
