Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
