you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
