I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
