I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
