I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
