I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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