i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
