I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
