we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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