I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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