no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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