dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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