i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
