can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize