Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
