This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
