So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Randomize
