i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
