it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
