I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize