All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
