Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
