woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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