I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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