I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
