Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
